Let the (Tuck and Roll) Game Begin

Fall has come to Topsail Island. The air is cool and crisp, the leaves are red with a tinge of gold and the cat is impossible to extricate from the house she would not even consider entering during the summer. But the surest sign of colder weather to come is the beginning of the Tuck and Roll Competition.

Not familiar with this particular team sport? If you share a bed and the person in charge of the thermostat enjoys sleeping in a house where you can store ice cream on the kitchen counter with no risk of melting, you are, most likely, an enthusiast of the sport. Most participants are married couples but any affiliation which requires you to sleep with another human qualifies you as a team member.

The event begins when you climb into bed, say goodnight to your spouse and snuggle down for that long winter’s nap you have been looking forward to since 5:30 AM. Blankets are equally distributed. You are toasty warm and drop off to sleep with sugar plums or leftover Halloween candy, whichever is more fattening, dancing in your head.

At 2:00 AM, you are jolted awake by your brain which in crisis mode because it is no longer communicating with any part of your body below the neck. Your feet and hands are a lovely shade of blue. Your first sleep addled thought is that your spouse, in an impish mood, has carried you outside and placed you in a chaise lounge as a joke. You make a mental note not to tease him or her about the new shirt, shoes or mother next time the occasion arises. As your mind clears, you realize you are in your own bed but there is not one thread of sheet, blanket or comforter protecting you from the icy night air.

You turn over and are shocked to find you are in bed with a large pod. Scenes from “The Invasion of the Body Snatchers” flash through your mind. Panic has started your sluggish heart pounding and blood is coursing once again through your frozen body. Your first instinct is to beat this alien with the baseball bat kept handy in case of home invasion. Then, like a slap from an aggravated sister, it hits you; you have just lost 10 points in the Tuck and Roll Competition. That large pod is your spouse who has successfully stripped all bedding from around your cold, nearly dead body and wrapped it around his or her own.

All is not lost. You can regain those points with a Tuck and Roll Reversal move. This is accomplished by slipping your hand under your spouse, taking firm hold of sheet and all additional bedding, i.e. blankets and comforter, and gently releasing them from under your competitor. Securely tuck the bedding under your arm and roll away from your spouse with as much force as necessary to remove all bed linen from your spouse’s body. Five extra points are awarded if you can successfully turn them over in the process. Five points are deducted for unsportsman-like behavior if you roll your spouse onto the floor. If may be gratifying, considering your near death experience, but bodily injury is poor form and, besides, you’ll have to pay for it at the doctor’s office. Make note of all points lost and gain before falling back to sleep. And keep score accurately. Nobody likes a cheater.

Now that you understand the rules, enjoy the Tuck and Roll Competition. The winner is awarded the right to select the summer vacation destination. I always choose Topsail Island. Let the game begin.