SO, UH, MAYBE, LIKE, WELL, THE WRECKS ARE EXCITING

           TALLADEGA, Ala. – Gosh, you know you like it. You just won’t admit it.

            Don’t be embarrassed. No one denies he (or she) likes football players to hit one way and baseball players another. NASCAR fans don’t want to see death. They want to see death defied.

            One of the attributes of Talladega Superspeedway that sets it apart from every other track by degree is wrecks. Big ones. Burnt-out hulks of once-valuable race cars. Thrills. Chills. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll lose your barbecue. The closest equivalent of those old movie trailers (with dialogue racing across the screen) is the commercials being aired by ABC/ESPN regarding today’s Amp Energy 500. The voice-over sounds like a weather man describing the approach of a hurricane.

            Talladega is “Dr. Strangetrack, Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Big One.” Jimmie Johnson’s not as versatile as Peter Sellers, so this production is unlikely to win an Oscar. It’ll be entertaining, though. Like the X-Men.

            The last time the Sprint Cup Series visited this fan reservation, a cataclysmic crash sent shards of Carl Edwards’ Ford flying through the grandstand. A colleague and I visited the scene. A guy showed us his forearm welt and held up a spring that caused it. It’s hard to frame a spring, but I bet he tried.

In a statement released later that day, speedway officials said no debris had been found in the grandstand. That may have been true. The fans were boasting of all their free souvenirs and talking about getting Edwards to autograph them. A spring. A shock. Something to hock.

There was debris, all right. None of it got left in the stands.

Those hardy souls didn’t flinch when a fence got ripped out in front of them. It’s unlikely they quaked at the prospect of 10-car pileups in turn two.

No one wants his (or her) favorite driver to wreck. No one wants anyone to get hurt.

It doesn’t make you a bad person. Don’t be ashamed. Thrills fuel entertainment. Danger sells. It’s not wrong or immoral. It’s just human.

You may contact Monte Dutton at mdutton@gastongazette.com.