Compassionate Friends' Lenoir County chapter holds annual candlelight service

Even though they have moved away from Kinston, Denise and Manny Lourenco returned this week to honor their deceased children.

“When a child dies, it is a loss like no other,” Denise Lourenco said during The Compassionate Friends’ annual remembrance service, held at Jackson Heights F.W.B. Church on Monday. “Our children are our future; all of our hopes and dreams are put into them.”

She and her husband joined a number of other local parents Monday who have also lost children and participate in the Compassionate Friends’ monthly support group meetings.

Maria Lee, who heads the Lenoir County chapter and lost her daughter Bonita 22 years ago, said the candlelight service has been held each December for about 15 years.

She said the event reminds the general public that the Christmas season is a difficult time for parents who cannot celebrate it with their children.

“They forget that some of us can’t do that now, so this is our night with our children,” she said.

The Lourencos lost their two oldest sons, Zachary and Alexander, on July 4, 2003 during a boating accident in New Bern.

Denise said she, Manny and their surviving son were overcome with grief and did not know where to turn.

“We couldn’t stand to be in our own home without Zach and Alex there,” she said.

They eventually learned of the Compassionate Friends. The international organization has chapters in all 50 states and nine countries.

The couple went on to spend the next five years attending the Lenoir County chapter’s meetings and never missed one. They moved to Myrtle Beach last year to put some distance between them and the constant reminders of their sons, but they made the trek to Kinston for Monday’s service.

“There are no magic cures,” Denise said. “Grief is a long and painful journey, but every parent must go through it in their own way.”

Denise Lourenco was one of several parents and other relatives who gave speeches or sang in honor of the children, whose pictures were lined up on a table in front of the church pulpit.

Each family member had the opportunity to place a lit candle in front of their child’s photo.

Ray Jenkins, whose teenage son Scott was murdered in 1998, reminded the audience that mothers often receive the most attention and care when a child dies, and the fathers are expected to keep their emotions inside and solider on.

“We’re devastated, too … when you hug the mother, also go to the father,” he said.

Jenkins spoke with Lee after the service, recalling the many nights he called her when he was grieving — she had told him to call any time if he needed to.

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for this lady right here,” Jenkins said, placing his arm around her shoulders.

David Anderson can be reached at 252-559-1077 or danderson@freedomenc.com.

The Lenoir County chapter of The Compassionate Friends meets during the second Monday of each month. Meetings take place at 7:30 p.m. in the Wellness Center classroom at Lenoir Memorial Hospital. For more information contact Maria Lee at 252-523-6408. Support can also be found online at compassionatefriends.org